Regardless of who started the separation, divorce is never easy. Both sides may experience worry, anxiety, and confusion. According to science, the human body naturally reacts in this way, just like it does when a loved one passes away. So this how the brain reacts to love.
According to Christine Hammond, a certified mental health counsellor and family mediator,
…a divorce is the end of dreams, expectations, family, and friendships. When a person divorces, they are leaving behind these hopes and relationships, so it is an ending. In this way, experiencing a divorce is like experiencing a death, and the process of recovery is very similar.
Let’s examine how the human brain functions during separation, the impact divorce has on mental health, and coping mechanisms for these complex feelings.
Love’s Effect on Brain Cells
We must first remember the physiological processes that take place when people and animals fall in love in order to comprehend how the brain functions when coping with divorce and separation.
Everyone has experienced emotions like passion, crush, affection, and sexual attraction. Here’s how hormones and neurotransmitters link to these experiences and emotions:
- The primary hormone that stimulates attraction at the physiological level is testosterone.
- In turn, dopamine encourages someone to look for a mate. The body is under stress from cortisol, which also generates more passion. Excitation and expectation cause adrenaline to be actively “thrown” into the system. Consequently, the individual experiences elevated perspiration, a heightened pulse rate, and an upbeat disposition.
- The “good mood hormone,” serotonin, increases and the cortisol level of the lovers falls if the sensations are reciprocal. A love relationship is linked to stability, harmony, and security. The hormone oxytocin, which is generated during contact and sexual intimacy, is linked by scientists to these feelings.
It’s possible that nature has constructed this intricate biochemical process specifically to encourage individuals to form couples in order to have and raise children.
The Human Body’s Responses to Divorce and Separation
People’s hormones are severely overloaded when they split up. The dopamine hormone stays at its elevated level for a while. A person typically has unexplained anxiousness and discontent after being separated, followed by depression and lethargy.
At this point, a lot of people start abusing alcohol, using drugs that cause psychosis, looking for hookups, etc. Lastly, all of these efforts to enhance their well-being frequently make matters worse.
- The area of the brain that produces intense emotions, primarily negative ones, is less active in lovers. According to studies, women are more resilient to stress when they are with their cherished husbands.
- Real pain: The brain reacts to marital dissolution in the same way that it does to physical pain.
There is a loss of appetite and tense muscles. Insomnia and other gastrointestinal issues may be experienced by certain individuals. People who stay in this physiologically hypervigilant condition for a long period of time may even get migraines, stomachaches, and sore muscles. Dr. Kristin Bianchi, a qualified clinical psychologist, holds these opinions.
- Men and women may also suffer from heart muscle dysfunction as a result of separation, if they are experiencing a severe emotional shock.
- Unsettling ideas: It’s strange that the human brain is constantly focused on danger. A situation is already deemed dangerous if it results in anxiety and discomfort.
How Can the Body’s Reaction Be Measured During Parting?
- The Withdrawal Syndrome
After a breakup, it’s common and natural for almost everyone to feel nervous, unhappy, and discouraged. Love is more akin to drug intoxication if we think of it as a chemical process.
In this situation, a breakup is a painful state that happens when a bio-substance dose that previously increased the hormone dopamine is not taken. It is essentially a form of withdrawal syndrome. The human brain, however, is capable of handling both drug addiction and breakup. All it takes is time.
Avoid using drugs or alcohol to further upset the already imbalanced nervous system. Instead, one should attempt to increase dopamine. It is most effectively generated through moving, learning new things, and accomplishing objectives. That’s how a lot of people succeed in their careers, sports, and schooling following a breakup.
- Decrease in Self-Identity
Most of the time, stress following a breakup is also linked to people adopting their spouse’s behaviour and outlook on life in a partnership and incorporating it into their identity.
The breakdown of individual components during a divorce results in a breach of a single “Me” image and makes life impossible to regulate. As a result, we usually long for the self-image that our ex-partner helped us create rather than for them.
- Broken Self-Respect
A breakup frequently comes with poor self-esteem. This is particularly valid for people who didn’t start the separation. It is possible for someone to believe that their spouse left them because they are not doing well. This kind of thinking just makes the issue worse.
Make an effort to adopt a more realistic perspective. About half of marriages end in divorce, and almost everyone has a breakup at some point in their lives. However, this does not imply that there is a problem with every individual on the planet.
A person who struggles with self-esteem typically starts to either romanticise their married life or degrade their ex-partner, but both of these approaches result in emotional instability.
Issues Require an External Viewpoint
Examining the matter objectively is a necessary and initial step in overcoming the detrimental psychological effects of divorce. Naturally, we are not referring to total dissociation, but rather a somewhat disinterested view of divorce as a realistic endeavour or a storyline that can be examined with compassion for each character.
For instance, psychologists frequently suggest beginning a journal during any time of emotional turmoil. It can be used to quiet the mind by expressing any thoughts or emotions. You should also make an effort to explain why the relationship didn’t work out. You might have been pressured by your relationship, had different values and aspirations, etc. You should make an effort to understand this phase of your life and acquire experience when you write down how you feel about the current circumstance.
Divorce mediation is one of the most popular dispute resolution techniques for the same reason. A mediator serves as an impartial third party who is unable to take sides or offer legal counsel. In order to foster understanding and enable well-informed decision-making, the mediator helps the parties negotiate.
Nearly 75% of clients use divorce mediation to settle property or child-related disputes, according to Bob Butterworth, CEO of the top online divorce service. A calm, uncontested divorce is more cost-effective and healthier for one’s mental health, even though it is impossible to say whether the parties in these circumstances could have performed better at trial.
Furthermore, data indicate that approximately 90% of mediated cases end in a successful resolution, and additional studies have demonstrated that individuals who comprehend and accept the reasons for separation recover more quickly and are more at ease in their subsequent relationships.
P. S.
Uncertainty and separation anxiety are pressures that are not limited to romantic relationships. When we move to a new city, quit our job, or end our studies at school, we experience the same feelings.
Another fallacy that many people hold fast to has to do with how love is portrayed in famous films and fairy tales. We believe that love should begin passionately and unexpectedly, then blossom into a wedding and endure a lifetime. Only fairy tales do this. It is uncommon in real life.
The human brain is capable of adapting to any situation. It simply need time. Over time, the nervous system finds equilibrium on its own. You will soon be relieved of your sadness and anguish over the past. The most important thing is to handle the event appropriately so that you may proceed with confidence.
